Mad House
by Auphanim
Summary: A cruel twist of fate, engineered by some all-mighty force (similar to an author), has thrown Ky's once simple life down the Grand Toilet of Insanity. Mutiple warnings inside, I'd suggest you read them all!


Disclaimer (which I forgot on my last GG fic x.x): I don't own Guilty Gear XX or Hojo from Final Fantasy 7. All I own is the idea for this and the Mysterious Strangers (they won't appear for a while though).

Entire Story Warnings: Yaoi innuendoes, shonen-ai, cross-over, general out-of-character-ness, drunken-ness, random stupidity, disgusting bathing habits, violence, abuse of a Bop-it, a little sexual harassment, alternate universe setting, Faust with hair, cruelty to animals and some nasty thinking about slits.

Chapter Warnings: Shonen-ai, cross-over, general out-of-character-ness, random stupidity, cruelty to animals, and alternate universe setting. (I hope I got everything o.o)

Author Notes (semi-important):

"Blah" – Speech

'Blah' – Thoughts/Quoted Things (you'll be able to tell)

_Blah! _- Telepathic Messages (only available to Gears)

(Blah ha ha) – Author notes during the story

Author Notes (unimportant): This is going to be a really idiotic story, so if you don't have a sense of humor, either: a) go buy one on E-bay and come back and read this story or b) don't read this story.

It's up to you, but I've heard that senses of humor are pretty expensive right now.

Mad House

Chapter 1: It Starts. . .-cue dramatic music-

He couldn't believe it. 'It' had all started five years or so after the Crusades. An unknown Gear had been found and tons of bounty hunters had rushed to the chance to defeat some little puke of a Gear and get the large sum of money awarded to the one that brought back her head.

Sadly, that was not to be, as this little 'puke of a Gear' had a vicious protector named Testament. Most of the bounty hunters that saw the cross-dressing Gear known as Testament ran away, and the ones that came to up to him soon found themselves without heads. Well, they didn't find themselves, but someone else usually found their decapitated bodies.

When the holy knight Ky approached, he was certain that he would be the one to exterminate the two Gears and thus rid the world of the plague it had suffered under for so long. This was also not to be, as almost as soon as he started fighting the skinny black-haired Gear, he was pulled out of his fight by one of his superiors from the IPF.

"Kiske, what do you think you're doing?" High-ranking IPF persona demanded.

"I'm destroying the Gear. . ." Ky pointed weakly to the cross-dressing Gear who was now grooming his raven and listening to the two officers talking.

"Oh, is that what you're doing?"

". . . Yes." At this point in the conversation, Ky was quite confused. This High-ranking IPF persona seemed to be drunk or high or something.

"Well, you need to stop that. The IPF wants them alive. Since you're the only holy knight around here, I am placing the Gears Testament and Dizzy into your care. Take them home now; if you need assistance, there are bounty hunter body-parts littered everywhere around here. Just give them an arm to chew on or something. Good luck." With that, High-ranking IPF persona magically poofed away, leaving a residue of sticky gunga were he had been standing. (Gunga – all that nasty stuff you don't want to think about. Example: the stuff at the bottom of your fish's bowl.)

One thing led to another, and soon enough, Ky, Dizzy, and Testament had arrived at a large mansion just outside of Paris. Dizzy's eyes sparkled like diamonds as she looked over the huge white house, eager to go in and pick her room. Testament was just looking at the white painting, trying to decide when the best time would be for him to go paint the house black. Ky was in a 'I can't believe it' state.

So, now that we've caught up to the beginning of the story, lets move on to the rest of it, shall we? The trio trooped inside, Dizzy squealing and flying off to find her room. Testament and Ky stood in the doorway, looking at each other with unmasked loathing. Suddenly, they heard a cry of alarm, a strange sound that resembled 'Kwoooon', and a crash. Apparently, Necro had decided to come out while Dizzy was flying.

Testament ran off to see if Dizzy was all right. The holy knight just sighed and went into his kitchen to make some tea. Ky was sitting down and just drinking his tea calmly when he realized that it was oddly and suspiciously quiet. His blue-green eyes narrowed and he stalked off to try and locate the Gears. He hoped they had killed themselves somehow.

His hopes were crushed, however, when he found Testament sitting down in the living room reading one of his books and Dizzy whispering quietly into something in her hand. Ky walked to the female Gear, giving her a stern glare. The girl's eyes widened quickly and she bent down a little more, giving Ky her best I'm-just-a-sweet-little-human-girl look. Shaking his head and sighing, the leader of the Sheikishidan went back to his kitchen to clean up the mess he'd made while making the tea.

The night was uneventful, ending with all of them going to sleep rather early. Necro and Undine were up most of the night, making an awful racket as they played Go Fish next to Dizzy's sleeping form. Their cries and victory cheers kept the officer awake for most of the night, said officer only finding sleep when he hid his head under a pile of ten pillows.

A golden dawn greeted Ky as he struggled through the pillows and into a sitting position. He gave the window and the outside world a glare. Seconds passed, turning into a minute while Ky continued to try to make the sun go back down and let him sleep some more. Huffing and giving up, he clambered out of bed and grabbed some clean clothes out of his closet.

Walking out into the hallway, he stopped at the linen closet and stole a towel, then headed for the bathroom to take a shower and do everything else that was vital to do before one greeted others. As he journeyed to the restroom, Ky ran into someone that wasn't supposed to be in his house.

"Morning Kiske!" Johnny greeted warmly. To add to this affect, he waved his right hand slightly, his index and middle finger up with his other fingers were curled.

". . . Morning," replied Ky, not really thinking. Also without thinking, he returned the wave, opening the bathroom door and stepping in, shutting it behind him. It wasn't until he was in the shower that he realized who he had just seen in his hallway.

The officer froze, not knowing what to do. Furaiken was in his room and he was naked in the shower, still rinsing soap from his hair. Quickly finishing up and doing everything else, he got dressed and slunk out of the bathroom, determined to try and find a logical explanation for all this before he started trying to kill everything.

As he traversed the corridor to his room, he saw many of the Jellyfish Pirates running about, most holding very valuable things that could break very easily. He winced as he heard the small clinking of china which meant that someone had broken one of his teacups. Ky could only pray that it hadn't been one of his more favorite cups.

Sighing, he threw his dirty clothes from the night into the hamper in his room and grabbed Furaiken. Feeling better know that the holy sword was in his hand, he walked down to the living room. He was feeling so much better that he didn't even mind that there were tons of children running throughout his house and probably decimating anything in their path.

Reaching the living room, he walked over and flopped down in his favorite chair, sinking into the familiar comfort of the cushiony-softness.

"Nice day isn't it?" Venom remarked from his place on the couch where he was sitting reading a book and writing notes down in the margins of it. He didn't seem to mind that it was Ky's book.

"Yes, very nice," replied Ky, not even thinking about the fact that Venom, a wanted criminal and assassin, was sitting in his living room. He did notice, however, that said assassin was writing in his book. "What are you doing to my book?"

"Making notes. By the way, I'll be taking this book, I hope you don't mind."

"Actually. . . I do mind."

"Very good; thank you for you cooperation."

"But, I said I minded if you took the book. . ."

"Indeed?"

"Indeed."

"Interesting."

"Very; now would you stop writing in my book?"

"No I will not."

"Why not?"

"Because it's my book now."

"But I said you couldn't have it. . ."

"Indeed?"

Realizing that this conversation would just continue to go in loops, Ky gave up and decided to let the assassin keep the book. Shaking his head, he got up and went to the kitchen, where he found Dizzy sitting eating breakfast with some of the pirates and Bridget. They seemed to be discussing if Testament's hair would look better in braids or curled.

"Dizzy, you wouldn't happen to know why all these criminals are in my house would you?" Ky asked surprisingly calmly.

"Uh. . . kinda. . ." Dizzy half answered.

"Kinda?" Ky repeated.

"It wasn't all my fault!" The female Gear defended.

"Well, could you please explain to me how all these people came to be in my house then?"

"Okay, it went like this. I called the Jellyfish Pirates last night, inviting them to stay over for a while. Then April," she pointed to one of the pirates, "called Bridget," she pointed to the cross-dressing boy sitting next to her, "who, in turn, called Doctor Faust," she pointed towards the basement door, "who finally called Venom," she ended by pointing to the living room. "So, you see, it wasn't my fault."

". . . . . Faust is here too?"

"Yup. I heard he brought his friend with him as well, but none of us have seen him."

"Indeed?"

". . . Ky, stay away from Venom."

"Indeed."

"Stop it."

"Indeed?"

"That's not fair, stop it."

"Really?"

"Thank god, you've stopped."

"Indeed."

"AHHH!"

"Are you all right?"

". . . Yes, I'm fine."

"That's good news."

"Indeed." This was followed by a sharp intake of breath and Dizzy giving a horrified expression that can't be described in words. (But can luckily be described like this  O.O)

Happy that someone else was distressed from this situation, the officer left the kitchen, heading for the basement. He grasped the door handle and pushed the door open, walking down into the mysteriously dark basement.

Ky looked at Faust blankly, watching as the tall man puttered around the makeshift laboratory-like basement. He looked at all the sharp and pointy things littered about as if they were nothing but toys. It took him a few seconds to realize that they were all precisely organized and categorized.

The doctor slowed to a stop, standing in front of Ky and keeping a few feet of distance between them. An awkward silence filled the room, neither the officer nor the doctor sure of what to say. Ky rocked back on his heels slightly, going back and forth in an obviously discomfited manner.

Just when both of them thought there would be no way to break the strange silence between them, Faust's friend came in. He looked between the two, his dark brown eyes hidden behind glasses. His lab coat was a pristine white and his black hair was pulled back into what looked like a greasy ponytail.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything. . ." Hojo said, mainly to break the thick silence.

"Ah, of course you're not interrupting! Hojo, this is Ky, the man who is letting us live in his basement," Faust stated joyfully.

"Live here?" Ky's question went unnoticed.

"That's great; I've been wondering when I would meet him. Do you think I can experiment on him?"

"I'm pretty sure he would mind, he's one of those religious types."

"Humph. Religion. What a waste of time. It's just for fools who aren't bright enough to understand the complexities of the world and how everything truly began."

"Now now, Hojo let him be; he's been fed those lies for quite some time."

Not wanting to hear anymore blasphemous words, Ky departed from the two friends' company as quietly and subtly as possible. Breathing a sigh of relief, he escaped from the basement and went out to his backyard to find a small piece of peace.

He didn't find the solitude that he had originally wanted, but he found something a bit better. Sol had come to his house for one reason or another. Giving a small smile, he walked up to the taller man, wrapping his arms around Sol's neck. The prototype smiled in return, putting his arms gently around Ky's waist. Their faces inched together, lips centimeters apart, when the sound of shattering glass and sizzling technology interrupted their little 'snogging time'.

They both looked in the direction from which the sound was coming. It appeared to be erupting from inside Sol's ship, which, incidentally, had a large hole in its now-cracked windshield. Ky face dropped as he stared at the ship while Sol started cursing everything he could think of and ran to the aid of his ship.

The officer followed the bounty hunter gingerly, not really wanting to be too close to the Gear when they finally found out what had happened to his ship. Once they were a few feet away from the bulky contraption, Ky fell back, trusting Sol to deal with the first look inside on his own. As he slowed to a stop, Ky could have sworn he heard a cow moaning in pain.

Sol stepped into his large aircraft, eyes narrowed and fists clenched. He was expecting another bounty hunter, a sword through his control panels, or an alien. What he was not expecting was a 2-ton cow (down Betsy! O.o;;) laying in his chair on its side, its legs sprawled across the control panel. Since, going back to the last statement, he was not expecting this, all he could do was gape like a dying fish.

"Mooooo. . ."

"Oh shut up."

"Moo?"

"Yes, you."

". . . ."

"Ky! There's a cow in my ship!"

"(from outside) Look's like we're having steak tonight then!"

"Come get it out!"

"(still outside) You're the muscle-bound brute! You get it out!"

". . . . .Damn it."

"Moo."

"You're more trouble than you're worth."

>.> Review. . . review. . . review. . . .


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